Grocery Shopping is Fun!

When I consider that my brother's best selection of food will be trying to decide whether to mix the whole MRE together or eat the individual unidentifiable components separately, I know that I have here back in America that I have it made, with large overstocked grocery chains full of all the lastest no fat, high fiber, low carb, zero calorie, new & improved products that the marketing geniuses of America managed to conjure up.

For the past eight years Melody and I have shopped at a local supermarket called Jungle Jim's International Market. This establishment started off as a small grocery store (when we first started shopping there) with a large produce and international section and over the years has morphed into a 300,000 square foot multicultural repository of food and drink from all corners of the planet. It also helps that the owner, Jungle Jim Bonaminio, is just a tad off center in his thinking, allowing him to build this giant without listening to all outside parties explaining to him that he was certifiable for trying to do it.

The main entrance is at the northwest corner of the main building, conveniently wedged next to the entrance to the gardening center and greenhouse. I use the term "conveniently" as Melody somehow always manages to take a wrong turn and end up in the greenhouse, still not finding Dr. Livingstone. But hey, she's a lot cuter than Henry Stanley so I usually let it pass.

There are three entry doors so if the local gereatric club are pushing carts ahead you can normally gain entry without too much bother. Just inside is a "throne" that the store greeter sits in and hands out the weekly coupon flyer. I use the word throne lightly, as it is without a doubt one of the ugliest and most uncomfortable looking chairs on the planet. My guess is if you are in Jungle's doghouse that you get "chair duty".

Directly in front of the entrance is the main "American" grocery section where you will find the normal non-perishable foodstock items that one would find in any other US grocery store. With the exception of the Campbell soup isle. Above this section is a large mechanical swing with a giant talking soup can with two "kids" beside it. It will occasionally yell "ahoy.. foodies!" and break into some lame conversation about soup. Melody thinks it's cute. I think it is creepy and well... just wrong, with a Steven King "Pennywise" feel to it.

And in typical Jungle Jim fashion, the "award winning" public bathrooms are always kept very clean, but the entrances to both gents and ladies are designed to look just like a porta-potty. According to staff, he seems very proud of the complaints he receives on a regular basis from those who did not attempt entry when they saw them.

One of my favorites is the "Elvis Bear", which is a mechanical puppet that strums a guitar, taps its foot, and plays Elvis tunes. It is in fact a lion, but when Hannah was little she used to call it "Elvis Bear" so I still think of it as one. Even today, as Hannah did in days of yore, little kids stand and wiggle to Elvis tunes as "Elvis Bear" strums and taps, as amused parent stand nearby still amazed by the continuing entertainment power of the "Elvis Bear" on the younger generation.

The "lowlight" of our visit to Jungle Jims is the English food section in the back corner of the store. Now, don't get me wrong... the selection of the delicacies of the British Isles is first rate, considering how poor English cuisine is in the first place. Plus the India section is right next to it, so any self-respecting Brit can grab a curry at will. No, the problem with the English section is that it is placed right below a fake Sherwood Forest setting complete with the cast from Robin Hood overhead. No expense was spared in design and layout of the trees and the characters, but unfortunately I seriously think Jim ran out of money when it came time to record the voices for the "banter" between the Robin Hood and Little John and decided, after spending a little too much time in the wine cellar, to record the voices with their own "English" accents. I put quotes around the word "English" because I thought it was humanly impossible to imitate an English accent as poorly as Dick Van Dyke did in Mary Poppins, but I was wrong. In fact, I can honestly say that I linger in the Indian section until I heard the scripted 2-3 minute recording coming to an end, knowing I have about 30 seconds to dash in and out before the noise pollution continues.