The Bear Story

I think if we all live long enough we will have a bear story in our lives. It does not necessarily have to be a bear, but any large critter that would cause you to pause later and say "Crickey!, I could have been done for!!!" would qualify for this category. (btw- kudo's to Steve Irwin for introducing such a great word as "crickey" to the American masses) Since Melody and I have been married 13 years we have had enough time to experience a bear story. This is that story.

It starts on Thursday June 14, 1996. I was working as a senior accountant at Pomeroy Computer Resources at the time, but we were so busy with work and I was under such direct pressure to work every weekend that I made up a fanciful lie to be completely out of touch for a three day weekend in Gatlinburg. But you ask "Gee, Rich... why not just let them know that you would not be available? Well, because last time we attempted that it ended up where I was pressured into not going, which did not create for a friendly climate in the Harrison household for a week or two. Thus Melody and I dreamed up a cockamamy story about a sick relative and leaving quickly to get the hell out of Dodge for a long weekend.

We stayed at the Park Vista Hotel, which is basically a big cement tower on a small hill behind the main town of Gatlinburg. (see picture above) The view from the room was simply spectacular, however the hotel and it's staff had all the personality one would only expect to find at a Governmental Accounting convention and ,as the biggest sin of all in our book, the coffee they served tasted like it was made several days prior and then aged to perfection. As official coffee snobs we felt that Juan Valdez needed to come here and make a personal inspection, at which point the Park Vista should be forced to apologize to anyone who still has a pulse and was subjected to the brackish liquid they had the nerve to call coffee.

Our second day there we decided to rent a jeep and explore the Great Smoky Mountains. We had hiked down the hill a couple of times to the main street of Gatlinburg and had passed a business that rented Jeeps, motorcycles, and scooters to the public at large, so we picked this particular place to rent a vehicle. We actually had a car with us as we had driven down from Cincinnati, but for the life of me I don't know why we decided not to drive it. Anyway, we plunked down our hard earned cash for a three hour rental of a Suzuki Sidekick and proceeded to explore. We started with the Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail which... well... let them tell you about it:

The Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail is a wonderful eight mile driving loop which starts just outside of Gatlinburg. This drive gives you a look at second growth forest full of hardwoods and hemlocks with views of mountain steams, rapids, cascades, and falls all along the roadside. There are hiking trails to Grotto falls as well as Mount LeConte. The one-way trail is open to cars, vans, and pickups from early spring until December 1st.

In all actuality I highly recommend this trail as it was very scenic with wonderful rapids and forest scenery. We stopped along the way at several different locations to observe mother nature at her finest and breathe in the forest air. (Some photos are here)

This trail took about 1/2 hour, so we then drove down to Gatlinburg proper to hit the main road into the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We spent about an hour and a 1/2 touring around past Chimney Tops and the Newfound Gap, waiting in line a considerable amount of time to drive through a small section of the park, realizing half of the vistors to central Tennessee had the exact same idea we did on that day. Growing weary of the mix of nature and car fumes, we decided to call it a day and head back to the rental agency.

So here we are at the rental agency with about an hour to spare, so yours truly decides to ask for a trade in on a small Honda scooter to make one more trip around the Roaring Fork Motor trail. They were okay with that trade, so we donned those o' so attractive red motorcycle helmets they had on the wall, fired up the scooter and headed around the trail.

It was another enjoyable run, with the small ups and downs of the hills and the narrow turns limiting our speed to under 20 miles an hour, much to the approval of Melody hanging on for dear life on the back of the scooter. Then it happened... We had not seen so much as an oversized chipmunk the whole time we were in the Sidekick, with the most threatening event being a large poodle barking at us from inside a mini-van. When going down a small hill near the end of the motor trail we turn a sharp corner and saw the following sight in the middle of the trail about 20 yards ahead:



Melody is well aware of what a city slicker I am, and being a country girl herself she felt the need to bring me up to speed on the situation at hand. As I came to an extremely quick stop she put the sides of my waist in a WWF grip of death and proceeded to exclaim for my benefit:

"Oh my God, it's a bear!"

Now I am sure I would have figured this out for myself, but as we were within "tasty snack range" of the bear she felt it imperative that I be educated quickly in case I really did think it was an oversized chipmunk.

And it was a bit of a predicament, as we were facing downhill on an underpowered scooter at a fairly large bear. (my best guess is that it was a black bear and weighed around 300-400 lbs.) It was actually in the process of crossing the road when we came round the corner so it decided to stand there and stare at us. We could not turn around and go back the way we came as going uphill the bear could probably outwalk the scooter, let alone outrun it. Another alternative was to try to shoot past it on the left hand side (if was facing to the right), but then we run the risk of it playing handball with one or both of us as we pass. We chose option #3, which was to sit on the scooter and just stare at it. It seemed like hours, but was probably less then 10 seconds in all. The standoff was successfully ended with Melody and I in good health, due to when I revved the engine on the scooter the bear ran into the woods at about the same pace we were sitting there contemplating running if the bear came at us.

We went about 100 yards further down the trail to a small parking area by the road and I jumped off the vehicle to light a much needed cigarette (I still smoked back then). A father was standing by his mini-van while his family ran down the trail in the same general direction I had seen the bear headed. I informed him of this and he just kind of snickered, but when Melody backed up my store he became a little more serious and headed off after his clan. I don't think the bear got them because it would have been all over the local papers. When we returned to the rental agency and told them, they laughed at first too, then realized we were serious and didn't know what to say. Obviously not good for the motor scooter rental business for tourist to run into bears too often.

The funny thing was when I got back to work on Monday I could not tell a soul, as I had lied about why I was gone. I nearly busted a gut holding that one in....