In memory of Eva Susshine

Dear Bro,

As you already know Melody's mom Eva passed away last Friday. The memorial service and funeral were today (Monday Oct 16th) and yours truly was asked to give the eulogy. The following is the script of the eulogy I wrote over the weekend and delivered this morning.

The last time I stood at this place was seven years ago, to share with you in grief over the loss of Kevin Susshine. And the one comment I received more than any other afterwards was:

“Who are you?”

This time let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Rich Harrison, and I am Eva’s son-in-law as I had the privilege of marrying her youngest daughter Melody back in 1993. And thus joined by Loretta’s husband Mike Marshall and Mary’s Roger Turner I have been an official member of what Eva would have probably referred to as “Eva’s Boy Toy club”.

I am going to ask you to close your eyes two times during my ramblings, and this will be the first of those times… so I would like everyone to close your eyes and image that you are standing outside Eva’s kitchen window on a sunny afternoon… there are a couple of pies cooking in the oven…. now just breath in deeply….

Ahhh….. that was pretty good wasn’t it…..

Eva could prepare the best fried chicken on the planet. I think if scientists studied her recipe they would find that she didn’t use any hidden ingredients, no secret Lake family formula handed down generation to generation, just an ability to take a chunk of fowl and turn it into a masterpiece. And if you didn’t like chicken, well just ask Loretta’s husband Mike sometime about the monster cheeseburger she would make on the side for him.

Eva’s cooking was legendary on Benton Road, as she would always take time to cook for a neighbor in need, or for the neighborhood kids who discovered the gourmet faire awaiting them at the Susshine house.

As a matter of fact, when her eldest daughter Mary got married back in the sixties, they had the wedding at 1pm, and did not have the reception and dinner planned until 7pm that night. Well in the interim, family members went to the Eva and Leo’s house and … well… Eva being Eva… she cooked up a big batch of chicken and fixin’s. When it came time for the reception…. No one was really that hungry….

We remember the card shark Eva, who loved to play 500 rummy with Loretta, Mike, and their friend Mike. She had no idea how to play when they first started this ritual, but she was a quick study and soon was beating up on the rest of them. Plus my understanding was that the friend in question was quite handsome, and in a small way probably did not hurt in Eva’s quick study of cards….

Then there was the disciplinarian Eva… the one that used to chase Kevin around the yard to give him the whipping for which he had done something to deserve… and Leo, you missed that one because invariably the reason Kevin ran is because 1) you were out on the road driving freight 2) he was under the mistaken impression that he could get away with bad behavior while you were gone, and 3) he thought he could outrun Eva… he would stop and yell “mom… I’m sorry… I won’t do it again!!!!” … but Eva was undeterred in her mission… and that young man would eventually be caught and dealt with….

Loretta and Melody remember the “mail box mom”, for if they were running late she would be waiting at end of the driveway shaking her finger at them with that evil “you should have been home when I told you to be home” stare

The one thing we didn’t get to see was the driving Eva, for even though Leo went to the effort of buying a car for her, she never actually learned to drive the darn thing. She did however try to learn by driving a rider mower. She hopped on that thing and started cutting that grass with a vengeance… and then she came up to a line of small trees and shrubs that Leo had planted earlier that year. Eva grinded to a stop and grabbed the lever to jam it into reverse…. Well… after several unsuccessful attempts at this she did what any other person in that predicament would do: she put it back in drive and just mowed over those sapling so she could finish mowing that yard. And since the Arbor day massacre, Leo never attempted to get her to drive again….

So we come here to remember mother, wife, sister, and friend that was Eva Susshine. I have two poems to leave you with in honor of Eva’s memory. Before reading them, and here’s the other point where I ask you to close your eyes, I would like to take a moment to reflect on your personal memories of Eva’s oldest son Harry, who passed away in California in July of this year.

For this moment of silence, the words that William Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet seem appropriate:

When sorrows come, they come not single spies, But in battalions.

The first poem is entitled

Remember by Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you planned:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

The second poem is called:

This life mattered

Ready or not, someday it all comes to an end.

There are no more sunrises, no more minutes, hours or days.

All the things collected, treasured or forgotten, pass to someone else.

Wealth, fame and temporal power shrivel to irrelevance.

It matters not what was owned or owed.

Grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies finally disappear.

Hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists expire.

Wins and losses that once seemed so important fade away.

It no longer matters where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived.

No matter whether you were beautiful, or brilliant

Gender and skin colour are irrelevant.

So what matters?

How is the value of our days measured?

What matters is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but what we gave.

What matters is not our success, but our significance.

What matters is not what we learnt but what we taught.

What matters is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate our example.

What matters is not our competence, but our character.

What matters is not how many people we knew, but how many people will feel a lasting loss when we are gone.

What matters is not our memories, but the memories that live in those who loved us.

What matters is how long we will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It's not a matter of circumstance, but a matter of choice.

Yes my friends.

This life that we remember mattered.