Cycling at Joyce Park

Dear Bro,

As the summer comes to an end here and the cold fingers of fall start extending, so will come to an end my weekend cycling trips to the Joyce Park walking/bike trail. From my house in Fairfield to the beginning of the path at the Fairfield Youth baseball fields/Water works is only about a seven minute drive by automobile, but after my next-door neighbor Terry was killed cycling on the road this summer I have no ambition to ride to the trail, instead hitching my bike up to the trusty old Hyundai and cruising over to it.

Here's how the local government describes the bike trail on the Hamilton Ohio website:

Enjoy Hamilton and Fairfield by bike, on foot, or on roller blades from the Hamilton-Fairfield Bikeway, which connects Downtown Hamilton, travels to Joyce Park, and then to the Water Works Park in Fairfield. The 6-mile bikeway parallels the Great Miami River and winds through a nature preserve. Plans are underway for a northern extension, which will connect Hamilton’s Bikeway with trails traveling through Dayton.

Let's break this down to give you a better understanding of this fine example of the city of Hamilton in all its pride.

"Enjoy Hamilton and Fairfield " - This is a fairly simple and straightforward marketing sentence. However, keep in mind that the trail actually does run through Hamilton, which has also been referred to fondly as "Hamiltucky". Kudos to go to both Hamilton and Fairfield governmental officials for actually being able to sit down amicably in the same room long enough to hammer out an agreement that would allow this paved piece of paradise to run through bothmunicipalitiess without a toll booth along the way or a blatant increase in my property taxes to finance it. Not to be unfair to Hamilton as a city, so I must point out that the loss of one of it's major employers, Champion Paper, in the early 1990's did not go a long way to creating a hotbed of wealth in the area. I am of course more bias toward the Fairfield end of the trial, mainlybecausee I live there.

"by bike, on foot, or on roller blades from the Hamilton-Fairfield Bikeway" All acceptable modes of transportation on the trail, however on the occasions that I walk the trail rather than cycle I find that unlike when I am cycling, most of the riders have a bad habit of not calling out that they are passing you when they approach from behind. This is not an issue so much in the fall when the leaves over the path give away their approach or if they are riding an older bike that squeals louder than a lawyer within 50 paces of an ambulance. Nor are roller bladers an issue as you can hear them coming from at least 100 yards behind. The issue is the Lance Armstrong wannabes wearing thosedisgustinglyy tight black cycling shorts, aerodynamically designed helmets straight from the movie "Alien", a skin tight" Jacob's Technicolor" jersey betraying a layer of belly fat beneath, and an inability toexercisee their vocal chords to let you know they are approaching. The only time I normally hear them call out "ON YOUR LEFT" is invariably if someone is walking on the other side of the path approaching you and thus both sides are blocked, so what they really meant was "GET OUT OF MY WAY" as I pass between you lowly walkers. Very rude people in my opinion, as the lastest bicycle designs over the last thirty orfortyy years come with these very nifty inventions called "brakes", allowing you to anticipate when you have to slow down due to other people on the trail. Actually, Melody has helped me in this area as for Christmas last year she bought me a "Kentucky Walking Stick". When I walk with this stick I make sure I am partially swinging it near the center line of the trail, and nine times out of ten our "Tour de France" friends will suddenly discover enough oxygen to announce their presence, lest I lance them with a particularly extended swing of my arm.

"which connects Downtown Hamilton, travels to Joyce Park, and then to the Water Works Park in Fairfield" This is all true, but what they forget to mention is that before reaching the wonders of Joyce Pack and the nature trail that proceeds it, you must first venture past Hamilton's main sewage treatment plant, which is ideally located directly next to the Greater Miami river for that "oh so convenient" toxic waste dumping that occurs from time to time, which a constant stream of unusually colored water streaming from a large outlet pipe directly below the trail. An additional bonus delight added to this particular part of your naturalistic trail walking/biking experience is the aroma of untreated sewer water that hovers like a putrid mist for about a 1/4 - 1/2 mile from the plant, depending on which direct the prevailing wind happens to be blowing that day.

"The 6-mile bikeway parallels the Great Miami River and winds through a nature preserve" This is true, but again leaving out the scenic waste treatment plant discussed above. Well... actually I think the trail is closer to 5.5 miles in each direction, but hey... if Grand Cayman's 7 mile beach is really only 5.2 miles long, I think Hamilton/Fairfield is okay in taking some poeticlicensee here. As for the nature preserve, there is a beaver dam, as I can attest to having seen an beaver go flopping across the trail recently, however the mainstay of mother nature's representation besides interesting fauna is an overabundance of chipmunks and squirrels, interspersed with theoccasionallyy snake that makes it's way up from the river. The nature preserve is basically a nice way of saying they did not cut down every tree within twenty feet of the trail....

"Plans are underway for a northern extension, which will connect Hamilton’s Bikeway with trails traveling through Dayton." Yeah right... like six or seven city governments are going to sit down long enough in a civil manner like Hamiton/Fairfield did to get this done.... dream on!!!

Hope your having a good day,

Your Bro...