Cincy Freedom

Dear Bro,

Back on February 15, 2002 it was break time at the Ken Meyer slaughterhouse on Spring Grove Ave. in Camp Washington, a small township just north of downtown Cincinnati. As the workers puffed their smokes and made small talk about either Xavier or UC basketball, a 1050lb cow in a small courtyard waiting to be brought into the processing center figured out what was about the happen to it and managed to scale a 6 foot high fence with barb-wire around the top and abscond into the crisp Ohio night. Thus began the tale of Charolais/Cincy Freedom/Moosama Bin Laden/Clifton Cow. The large and extremely aggravated bovine proceeded to trot off down the street toward nowhere in particular as amazed workers stared in disbelief and did the only thing available to them in hunting livestock that had escaped from death row. They dialed 911.

Within minutes Cincinnati's finest and even the Hamilton County Sheriff's department were on the hunt. They even called in a helicopter with search light to track the dangerous beastie. It was disclosed later that this is not an uncommon event, but in all previous cases the "dead cow walking" is recaptured swiftly and just as swiftly dispatched at the slaughterhouse. This case was different. Once the word was out this was followed by additional helicopters, animal control officers on foot and on horseback, heat seeking scanners, hunters of all varieties, and eventually, the news crews of Good Morning America. The quest to recapture went on for 11 days, as the wayward cow desperately tried to avoid becoming just another dinner for the inhabitants of Cincinnati. Finally on the 11th day authorities using thermal imaging equipment and armed with tranquilizer guns had captured the rebellious livestock.

Normally it would be back to the slaughterhouse and onto the dinner table within a couple of days, but now this cow was famous as people around the country followed the adventures of the wayward Cincinnati cow. Where there is fame there is camera hungry people and companies looking to make a quick buck. The late Marge Schott offered to give it a home. Fifth Third Bank offered to use the bovine in a starring role in its soon to be upcoming "Holy Cow" home-equity loan ad campaign. Fast food chicken chain Chick-Fil-A had even offered 100 free chicken sandwiches to whomever caught the cow. The mayor of Cincinnati, Charlie Luken, planned on using the cow as a honored guest in the Reds opening day parade, but since the cow was still spooked from it's big adventure it was decided that this was also a bad idea.

Ultimately, New York artist Peter Max (of Yellow Submarine and my family room fame) requested if he could put the cow on his animal sanctuary in Watkins Glen, New York. (The picture is infact the infamous cow recently at the refuge) For all intensive purposes he bought the cow as he committed to donate $180,000 worth of artwork to the Hamilton County SPCA, but since this was the best offer this was the one that was accepted. Even recently, when another cow raised by a local young man for a 4H contest escaped and ran away Peter Max again offered to trade artwork for the cow once it was recaptured. Unfortunately in this case, the cow did not respond well to the tranquillizer darts that had to be used and had to be put down.

Which led Melody and I to an idea of our own. Since Peter Max was quick to offer artwork for wayward southwestern Ohio cattle we figured our best bet of being able to afford a Peter Max original would be to dress Guido up on a kitty cat "cow suit" and take pictures of him in the front yard, maybe blurring the pictures somewhat to make it look like he is moving very quickly. Of course, the downside is that we are very attached to Guido and would not really want to have to hand him over to Mr. Max for the sake of some artwork, but hey.... based on how the cow is being treated I think Guido would be just fine.....