Queen Victoria Lives (Complete with Translation)

My dearest elder sibling,

I am penning this correspondence with a genuine concern and endearing contemplation with full knowledge of the perilous nature of your current situation and the erstwhile aspiration that it reaches your person in a timetable that is acceptable to one of your esteemed character. I would be amiss in any assemblage of good and redeemable graciousness befitting a humble government servant such as myself if I did not inquire as to the ongoing status of your adjustment to such a barbaric and savage environment as our Government has seen fit to employ the services to which you congenially aquiesced.

At this juncture of my dispatch it is warranted that I with clear heart and solidarity of mind pray for your indulgence and ultimately your much stretched tolerance in granting attendance to my unprivileged confession of deficiencies related to the lack of factual insight enclosed within this epsitle. This predicament led to the difficult pronouncement forced onto this retiring scribe to submit for your venerated and honored judgement a prose void of significant value or consequence, a matter that imparts to me much pain and discomfort in knowlingly taking part in the execution of trivialites of this nature.

In recognition of your intellectual prowness you must know that what I have written has neither been lightly conceived or executed, but bearing the message to which I have cause for you to entertain is both daunting and inflexible in passage, and for this I again am forced by proper deciency to extend my sincerest apologies in advance of your expected annoyance and general incongruity in causing you to have to peruse this text on multiple instances. This mission of perplexing passages is rooted in a foundation of missing verb or hearsay, either nearby the closest ear or distance as the furthest point onto which gossip does dwell and is liberated clearly, creating a circumstance of weariness carried upon our shoulders like burdens of worry carried in a climate of chill and grey moisture over our souls.

Truly wishing this correspondence finds you quickly and in good health, I remain,

Your humble servant


TRANSLATED VERSION
Dear Bro,How are you doing? Are you adjusting okay to the climate?
I did not really have a topic to write about today. So I decided to write you a blog about nothing, which is kinda sucky.
However, since I am writing this blog entry in a Victorian English style it will probably take you about two or three readings of this to figure that out. This is what happens on a boring day where nothing is going on locally or at a national level and when it is cold and dreary outside.
Later,
Your Bro