Life as a Bengals fan 1990 - 2002

Dear Bro,

Since I live in Cincinnati, there is an ordinance somewhere on local books that states you must support the Cincinnati Bengals at all times to be considered a true Cincinnatian. Not too difficult if you are male and have a pulse, which of course are the only general requirements for you to enjoy a good game of American football while freely consuming large quantities of unhealthy foods and adult libations, aka beer. Grunting is optional.

As you know, I returned to Cincinnati from exile in California back in 1990 and thus began my affair with the temptress known as the Cincinnati Bengals in that year. I had learned the rules of the game from our formative years as young hooligans living at Highland Greens and The Fountains back in the early 70's, but returning from my self imposed banishment on the west coast allowed me to fully develop my "inter-Bengaldom" so to speak. And so began an epic journey that, in hindsight, had a closer resemblance to "Night of the Living Dead" then to "Brian's Song".

Lets walk down that path together shall we...

1990 - The Bengals triumphantly trounced all their AFC central to win the AFC central title. A continuation of that great 1988 team that went all the way to the Superbowl in Miami only to beaten in the last two minutes (for the second time in the decade) by some no-named lame"0" quarterback by the name of Joe Montana. On to glory? Almost... made it to the second round of the playoffs before the then LA Raiders had the unmitigated gall to defeat my beloved Bengals 20-10. Well...there is always next year.....

1991 - And this ain't the year. We lose the first eight games of the season to put the team squarely in the race for the number one pick in the next year's rookie draft. End the season at 3-13. Simple terrible, but hey... every now and then you are going to have a season you just forget and throw away... this is that season. The coach, Sam Wyche, claims he has been fired. The owner, Mike Brown, claims he quit. Either way, adios Sam and hello .... Dave Shula???? Dont' you mean the great Miami coach Don Shula, one of the greatest football minds on the planet?.... Nope, this is his son. I hope great coaching is genetic..... time to get back to winning baby!!!!

1992 - And away we go!! Throw away season is over as the Bengals win their first two games. Superbowl here we come!!! Then we proceed to go on a five game skid. Ouch! The team turns it around for two more battles, only to realize their true destiny and perform a "double down" by then proceeding to lose another five in a row. By end of the season we are 5-11. Okay, pretty bad, but at least it ain't 3-13!!!!

1993- This is the year baby!!!! The year of the Bengals!!! We are going all the way... all the way to the basement... Can't catch a break as they lose their first ten games.... god this is getting old.... back to 3-13... the Dave Shula era is off to a bad start... but there is still hope...

1994- Lose the first 8 of the season.... ESPN is now making "Bungal" jokes. I have taken to wearing a grocery bag over my head with holes cut in it so if anyone looks in my living room they won't be able to tell it is me still watching this putrid scene of despair entitled the Cincinnati Bengals. .... this is really getting pathetic.. but we are real close to turning the corner. I know because owner Mike Brown keeps telling us so... Dave Shula has it all worked out. Back to back 3-13 seasons. This is growing old quickly.

1995- On the right track!!!! Bengals trade up to the top pick in the draft to take Penn State running back Ki-Jana Carter, a can't miss pick. The second time he carries the ball in the first preseason game against Detroit he manages to tear almost every piece of tissue associated with his knee and sits out the entire season. Bengals are finally improving however as they finish 7-9 and only two wins from the playoffs.... yeah baby... we are on our way...

1996- We lose 6 of the first seven games .. I am disgusted beyond reasonable thought... Shula gets the heave-ho for long time Bengal player/asst. coach Bruce Coslet. He manages to win 7 of last 9 to bring the team to an 8-8 record. I am still skeptical. Six years... no glory... getting very old...

1997- 7-9 season... we are going backward. I am beginning to think I should apply for the coaching job.... Bruce ain't getting it done....

1998- I am close to capitulating. Bengals go 2-3 at beginning of the year and then lose the next nine in a row. I am now officially disgusted. I must be Job as I am constantly being tested. Did I do something wrong in a prior life? Did one of my ancestors kill a pope? Was one of my ancestors a particularly bad pope? We must be cursed... 3-13 season.... again....

1999- 4-12 I am in pain. This is beyond painful. Dante missed a level of hell in the Divine Comedy? The 6th circle of "Cincinnatius Leo". Myself and other masochists of the Bengal variety are again forced to sit through a season of agony. I need pills... powerful pills....

2000- Paul Brown stadium opens. Bengals start 0-3. Coslet fired. Replaced by defensive coordinator Dick Labeau...
the horror....... the horror.... the horror....
season ends 4-12

2001- 6-10 ... called an improvement.. the right path... THE RIGHT PATH!!!! sounds like an Ecuadorian terrorist organization. I am now becoming incapable of complete sentences or even words.... everything getting dark.... feel faint.... slipping into a coma.....

2002- Lose first four games by 119-23. I am converting to Hinduism because of all their numerous lesser gods there must be a little known American football deity that can help this woeful display of incompetence. Either that or a wraithful god-fan that can wipe out the entire organization so we can start anew. Finished 2-14. I am sitting in Lotus position listening to Ravi Shankar...

OOOOHHHHHMMMMMM OOOOOOHHHHHHMMMMMMM OOOOOHHHHMMMMM