The Annual Christmas Letter

Dear Bro,

It has become a tradition among many of my friends to write an annual update of what has happened in the last year to them and their families. I thought I would do the same:






Dear Relative/Friend/Customer/Co-worker/Person who opened this Christmas card

Wow! Another year has flown by and again it is that time of year for caroling and drinking eggnog. It has been another hectic year here at the Henderson household so I thought it would be a good time to update everyone on what has happened and, in some cases where our attorney allows us, explain our side of the story.

As you remember from last year's letter, we had decided to move to a new neighborhood as we felt that we needed some new scenery in our life and had grown tired of our old house. Well imagine our surprise that the Sheriff's deputies showed up two weeks earlier than we had calculated. It would have been nice to be there when they moved all our possessions out on the curb, as I will really miss that Lazy boy recliner and 25 inch RCA console TV that someone managed to abscond with before we arrived home. But hey, that is how we got those items in the first place so I guess fair is fair!

Fortunately for us the kind people at St. Mary's Church of Hope and Redemption homeless shelter found us a new place of our own after spending seven weeks utilitizing their wonderful facilities. I know for a fact that they liked our little family so much that some of them contributed their own money to ensure we would have enough for the apartment. They even threw a big party after we moved into the place, but since one of them had a problem remembering things they forgot to tell us. Good thing we went back to get Wendy's bagpipes that she had left in the janitor's office, otherwise we would have missed quite a blowout!

We have settled in well in the new neighborhood. It is lively all the time as many of our fellow tenants keep odd hours and hang out in front of the building all hours of the night to ensure there is no criminal activity. They are a bit stand offish with me but really love Wendy, complimenting her every time she passes by.

Mr. Biggles has settled in fairly well at the new place. He had a battle with a flea infestation in early July, but Wendy managed to acquire some flea shampoo and after a struggle to get him into the bathtub we managed to scrub those fleas right off of him! You would think he would have been grateful to be rid of the things, but since we rarely ever give him a bath he bit me on the hand during the process, kicking and scratching the entire time. All I can say is thank goodness the school nurse at Woodgreen elementary noticed the pesky parisites during his annual school physical, otherwise we might have all been infested! Even better news was that he finally made it out of the fourth grade, as normally it is "three tries and you are out", to borrow an old baseball term.

As many of you already know, Uncle Edgar came to stay with us in the fall. He was willing to sleep in a closet in the hall and pay 1/2 the rent, so we said "what the heck" and let him stay. It was a good arrangement for a few months, but after his appearance on "America's Most Wanted" we knew it was only a matter of time before someone figured out where he was. Sure enough, they raised the reward to $10,000 from $500 and the police were breaking down our door and macing everyone in the apartment. Good thing they used an anonymous service for the reward money because I don't think we would have gotten one red cent if they knew we were related. Plus, we still owed $7,000 on Wendy's last breast enhancement and since the doctor's "Italian" friends were threatening to repossess them the money came in real handy....

Finally, good news on the job front as I have finally found consistent employment. I am now a personal driver for a group of gentlemen who specialize in cleaning businesses after hours. It is a bit boring at times as they are quite thorough with their cleaning process and can take several hours to complete their work. They are very good at cleaning as we generally remove a lot of trash bags from the establishments, plus they clean so effectively that we have never had to go back to the same business twice in the month that I have worked for them. They even gave me a small bonus after a recent job when I managed to get out of the way of the police cars behind us. I was going to pull over but they said it was a bad neighborhood and eventually I would take a turn that would be a different direction then the one the twenty or so police cars would take while they pursued whoever it was they were pursuing. It is a swell gig and hopefully it will last long enough to save up to pay off Mr. Biggles dermatology bills!

So I hope your Christmas season is as joyful as ours.

Seasons Greetings from,

Robert, Wendy, & Mr. Biggles Henderson